What to do when someone brings up your past….
So being a retired dancer, I often have this happen to me. Not frequently but at least once or twice a year. When I first retired it would happen more often and now it has tapered off to only when I see an old friend who used to know the old me.
The Old Me – A Summary
So, the old me liked to party, she was a party girl. Loved it. She loved going out and to afterhours parties. She loved to mix it up and have fun with everybody. Sometimes a little too much fun. Sometimes having fun was her only priority and friendships came second tier. This was usually fine if her friend had the same priorities as she did. Not so fun for those who didn’t.
Most of the time though she was fun-loving and great party buddy to have around. She didn’t like to go home early or alone and she always slept in, never held down a normal job and lived life on the wild side.
The New Me – A Summary
The new me goes to bed each night before midnight and spends most nights at home. On the rare occasion I do get out I am usually still home by midnight and we went out to a fancy dinner. Most of the time I spend my evenings cooking, cleaning and taking care of the toddler. I have held down the same job for almost two years. I have a new car, a nice home, everything together, bills paid on time, great relationships and a select group of close friendships. I have other responsibilities too that I manage. I have earned my college degree and on top of that I am working towards other goals like publishing a novel and my real estate license.
The old me was 21-26 working in the club and living life to the fullest – I don’t regret too many things about my past at all but what I don’t like is when people bring up my past and try to damage my reputation.
EX: Just recently, a girl I used to work with and I thought we were friends was sharing embarrassing things about my past. We stopped working together in this former setting and went our separate ways 5-years ago. Recently, we somehow met up again through the small world that it is and work together but in a different capacity. She felt the need to bring up my wild child side to my new coworkers.
How do you deal with that right? It’s one thing to bring it up to our faces – former dancers turned into normal human beings. And when this happens I can usually laugh it off or think of a funny time we shared together. Most of my friends and inner circle know about my past and have had their own experience with the old me and don’t care anymore. It’s old news.
However, some people are not like this. Some people want to bring up the past to hurt you. I was embarrassed not only for myself but for the other person. Why would she want to bring up something from 5 years ago? Why would that matter now? Why not come to me directly and instead talk behind my back? What is the point in bringing it up to hurt someone?
I have had a chance to sit with it and I am not going to bring it up to her. It won’t help anything. If she is stuck in the past that is fine. I am not going to try and prove myself. I am just going to be who I am now, today. Thankfully, the person that told me what the past dweller had said shares my same viewpoint. I am grateful for people like that but the rest of the world might not always be that way.
Like I said before, I don’t have many regrets of what I did in my past. In fact, I am proud of it most of the time. I don’t wear it on my sleeve but I do like to think back on those times fondly. I have come to terms with how the old me was and have made changes to bring about a better new me. Always changing and evolving for the better.
I am sure this is not going to be the only time someone else tries to bring up the past to make me feel bad about it. I know my close friends and family don’t care. I know that some people are always going to have their own opinions and keep them no matter what. But maybe by taking the high road you can change their mind about show what a great person you have become.
Don’t be ashamed about what you do or what you used to do. IT IS YOUR LIFE. The shaming each other must stop. If someone has moved on with their life in whatever capacity – the past shouldn’t be used as a tool to hurt their future. I really hope that if you are ever faced with this problem whether you are an ex dancer or not – don’t let it define you. Don’t let your past haunt your future. And don't try to get petty with the other person, just let them be. It might be hard at first but this way you look like the mature, changed person that you are.
